Worst Graphics_0009_Weed

Board graphics are the best representation of your company’s aesthetic, artistic direction and creative intent, it’s a wonder why some board companies decide to piss this opportunity up the wall and put out complete dross. Your pro riders are the uncontrollable faces of the company, who will invariably fall to drink, drugs or “not really feeling it" disease.  Board graphics are the mainstay that form your company's legacy - don’t take that for granted when designing a board run. This means no bubble font, no in jokes AND NO WEED LEAVES!

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Worst Graphics_0008_Jart Logo

A logo board can only really work if your logo is not atrocious. Jart have taken it upon them selves to recreate this artistic direction on everyone of their boards pretty much. The typeface on this one screams “white dreadlocks".

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Worst Graphics_0014_Heroin Fuck Drugs

This is a bold statement, when so many skaters manage to combine the two. The Heroin shtick of booting you board down some stairs or balancing it on your head manifests itself in this graphic whole heartedly. “Who needs to get high when skateboarding is the best high ever BRO!" Please. This board will make an appearance at a crap skatepark in a forgotten market town, being mall grabbed by an emo with some graphic grip and pink trucks.

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Worst Graphics_0005_Smedders MJ

Likening yourself to accused child molester Michael Jackson is a bold move in this day and age. This board could be good if it was played for laughs, or if Smedders looked remotely like MJ. In the end this board looks like a celebration of MJ. On top of this the MJ board market has been sewn up by Skate Mental. Smedders is an absolute G so why he let the Jackson board fly is a question for the ages.

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Worst Graphics_0009_Weed

This is the worst trend in board design. We get it! You smoke weed, why do you need to tell us this? Weed in skateboarding is now so mundane and dry, it’s becoming like the actual act of smoking weed. Is it really counted as a drug if your Nan can buy you socks with weed leaves on them? I for one I am awaiting for a drop of Heroin needle socks to one up the weed smokers. If your first pro board is marijuana inspired then you need to start worrying. Your personality is so dull the only discernable thing about you is that you smoke weed.

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Worst Graphics_0010_Blueprint_SalesSheet_HomeHeart_Decks-1

If you haven’t been aware everyone left Blueprint, but the Canadian backer wanted the brand to limp on with a team you have never heard of. The graphics have now become a cut and paste job from the era when Blueprint wasn’t a huge turd.

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Worst Graphics_0011_reaction-big-head-orange

When reaction was around they tried to cash in on the child mascot hype of the Blind Reaper. Reaction were never at the forefront of board design. But a cartoon professor takes the biscuit for not really making sense.

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Worst Graphics_0001_Image4

Why anyone would do this to a board is beyond me. I’m assuming the thought process behind this was that the team spent a lot of time eating the Olympic breakfast so they decided to put the Little chef logo on the board. This board is the epitome of not trying hard enough.

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Worst Graphics_0002_Bam

Bam was once a good skater; he then became a pseudo celebrity for mock torturing people. Why he decided to become some insane caricature, with an even more insane tattoo is beyond me. The Heartagram was included on pretty much all of his boards because Bam found an affinity with a crap band called Him. But I guess the same board graphic again and again means he will never have to work again. Did he have a job in the first place?

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Worst Graphics_0004_sm_natural-koncept-sean-reilly-raft-party-2014

Remember Natural Koncepts? Of course you don’t. This company existed for a short while; made some horrific graphics then they were promptly forgotten. In case you wanted to relive the horrific history of this company watch their skate video ‘Illegitimate Bastard child’.

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Jereme

The ultimate in the self pro attitude Jereme Roger AKA J Casanova has done himself 5 pro boards in one run. Imagine that. JR Blastoff Has completely lost his mind in front of the skateboard public, so the self indulgent 5 self pro boards with shit graphics is the tip of the psychotic iceberg.

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Worst Graphics_0007_Powell-Tony-Hawk-NATURAL-2

In a sense all the elements are here Tony Hawk and Sean Cliver however the resulting Powell graphic (released 1991). This board looks like a scraped together idea from pre drawn clip art illustrations by Cliver. You also know it’s bad when Cliver himself wants to distance himself from the graphic.

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Worst Graphics_0013_ed-banger-girl-skateboards

Errr. I don’ really know about this. This looks like drawings that wouldn’t make it onto an 8 year olds mum’s fridge. Girl often completely destroy the graphic game. But this one falls short, it isn’t even a collaboration that makes sense, Girl videos are not usually littered with Ed Banger tracks. You also need to imagine the looks on the pro’s faces when they open their package and see their face on their board, it would be like looking in the back of a spoon.

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Worst Graphics_0000_minitm_sectdivisiondck_1-copy

Yeah yeah, Joy division are brilliant etc. But the logo from Unknown Pleasure has been used too much now. By using this graphic companies are trying to liken themselves to the aloof and moody band, but it often ends up looking like a paint by numbers trendy box ticker board. The offending graphics here are Toy Machine, but this logo has been re-appropriated by a ton of brands. The logo has now gone so far I’m sure kids think of it as a graphic every company has to put out once to maintain sales.

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Worst Graphics_0003_dgk-haters-after-hours-skateboard-deck-8-1-p12206-26538_medium

Does anyone hate DGK? Or even care what DGK does? On the one hand, it’s impossible to hate Kalis or Stevie Williams, but their unquestionable appeal is marred by atrocious graphics. I really want to like DGK, but thuggery and over produced skate vids are not the way to my stone clad heart. DGK just need to release Kalis and Williams footage and hire a new graphic designer and I’m on board.

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Worst Graphics_0012_blueprint-spray-heart-orange-deck-7-75-p2443-5568_zoom

This one makes it to the list because it’s such a vanilla graphic. I’m sure this board was available for about 9 years, and every size was on every UK skateshops board wall. I can guarantee 80% of people reading this have owned this board. The remaining 20% of are those weirdoes who only skate Death boards or something. Blueprint’s comet like fall from grace means the brand went from the best to the worst in the space of about 6 months, leaving the fans fretting and looking for tattoo removal practices.

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