Those persons here present: Seasoned epicurean Levent Tanju, Knave about Piccadilly Stuart D Hammond and degenerate gypsy-Aristocrat Joey Pressey.
The only other thing more exciting to read than a Danny Brady interview right about now would be some kind of behind-the-scenes article based on a recent rumour I heard that everyone in Marseille pushes mongo. Fortunately for you guys (and the one girl) reading this euro-tech-translato-rag it turned out easier for me to write some stuff about the much-blessed skate-otter who lives downstairs from me. Rather than go all the way to Marseille and catch a beating off a chicken pushin hench French slash dog.
Once upon a time, way before some bigwig decided it would be funny to give that swaggering cockhead Rob Dyrdek a TV show, the three stooges all lived unhappily ever after in one room that they all tried to share. Rent and laughs where cheap but it all pretty much ended in little Danny getting 'Das Boot' from his natural hobbit- habitat for a hot minute.
It wouldn't be fair to omit contributions here from the two other Palace penthouse residents; Book worm and Knave about Piccadilly Stuart D Hammond and degenerate gypsy-Aristocrat Joey Pressey:
S t u a r t: "Hello. I know Danny Brady way, way, way too intimately. I've practically been right up inside him or something. But not in a gay way. Danny and Joey Crack and me spent a pretty wild and primitive year living right in each other's pockets: three-to-a-room, sharing the hidey-hole up top of our Palace in Waterloo. We were living out of bags, often cold, and knee-deep in seven years-worth of Sarah's old crap. Also we were fairly goosed a lot of the time, to be honest. It was a coping strategy. All very character building. Danny's the kind of character who absolutely everybody seems to like like crazy as soon as they meet him. From American Skateboard legend types to Humdrum Town skateboard gromit types, painfully trendy London hipsters to trendily painful jet-set popstars, supermodels and It girls and boys about town. Essentially Brady is a cute-as-buttons grubby Blackpool kid who's lived like a total skate-rat since he was knee-high to a grass-smoker. And he seems to have just always been staggeringly good on the whizzplank: all stylish and quirky and doing his own thing and apparently incapable of doing switch tricks but somehow making that into a really really cool thing. He was one of those tiny scally youngsters who was always way way too good for a four-foot prepubescent. His dad Sean once told me that he kickflipped the Blackpool Bandstand stairs while he was still wearing nappies, He did wear nappies until he was fourteen though, because he used to be totally incontinent. There's a little-known fact about him. Just kidding. Brady is one of the few founding brothers of the Palace Wayward Boys Choir: the gulliest deadly skateboard gang in the known world. Those L.A Piss Drunks quake in their Emericas, basically, when our name is uttered. In conclusion; I love Brady, I hate Brady, I love Brady so much. He's been so good to me. He's been so, so terribly bad to me. But look at him skating over there! So good! Such style! So handsome! And such great outfits! Danny Anthony Victor Brady is definitely in the top three skateboarders who live in this house. P.W.B.C FORVER AND EVER AMEN. x"
J o e y: "Me and Danny met just after i re-located to London seven years ago. He was a pasty pre-pubescant kid with a trev haircut, jaded beyond his years on Stella and pot. I pissed off to Australia for a few months and arrived back in London with nowhere to go. So I decided to see if anyone was home at the infamous Cawdor Crescent household. I got there, rang the doorbell and was greeted by an ever-so-slightly more mature Brady. He made me a lovely cup of tea and we sofa surfed there together till we'd far outstayed our welcome. During this time he learned how to get by in London pretty quick, and he also started to smash it all nifty amoeba-style on his skateboard. Then he moved back to Blackpool and grew a little bit more and we'd hang around together in London when he was down to film for 'Lost and Found'. Once we'd acquired a couple of rooms at the Waterloo Palace he was a regular and respectful house guest; always making tea and sweet-talking our landlady. After a little shakeup at the Palace, me and Stuart and Danny ended up homeless and thanks to the good nature of our old landlady we were give a room to share. One room, three grown men. And boy did we share!Things like money, food, clothes, cigarettes, weed and booze were distributed evenly between us all muskateer style. I know it sounds like a nightmare but now that we each have our own space I miss it a little bit. You know; shit's a fertilizer. Things have changed alot since the three of us were sleeping on a wood floor in a that freezing room. Dannys killing it at life; fresh back from the States, eyes open wide and all into Ikea shelving units and joining the gym.
So just how old are you Victor? - Past it mate, way past it already.
What age did you go through puberty? - I'm still waiting I guess.
(Weird questions follow for five minutes. Not really fit to print)
What do you think of the comparisons that some people used to make between you and Kerry Getz? - Well you know, it's a compliment I guess.
Where you a big fan back in the day? -These questions are bone.
Oh come on; you used to love him off didn't you? -Well yeah, I was a fan. I saw him play a game of S.K.A.T.E the other week and it blew my head off. I saw him do a kickflip and it was like the most recognizable shit. You can just spot it; you know its him. You could blank out his face and you would know it.
What do you mean? - I mean the dude could be wearing a rape outfit; hoodie balaclava, all that, and if he did a kickflip you'd be like 'yep that's Kerry Getz'. That's the guy who raped me. That's what I like.
You like skaters who rape people? - No, you nobhead. I like people you can spot. You don't have to see their face or their name at the bottom of a video. You see them do a trick and you're like; that's that dude. Even those dudes that try and imitate shit; nowhere near mate. You know that's that dude and that's the fucking dudes I like.
Ok: moving on from rape orientated questions. Who was carrying the most weight in the Blackpool skate scene circa 1999? - Wow that's tough. Right; I was a bit late on the Black pool scene, but Teddy Moyle would like me to say Teddy. He was a fucking ripper. Also a dude called Skal, Daniel Allison, about 5 or 10 years before I was about but he was fucking killing it. He got some injury but he was a legend in Blackpool. He would turn up one day every six months and just kill it. He was over it and he just did one; disappeared a bit and that's why he was better than Teddy. He wasn't a worker and he just fucking had it.
Do you think that's why you practiced SO hard, because there where only two part-time skaters that came from Blackpool? - PRACTICE? What the fuck are you gays talking about?
Yeah man, I bet you practiced enough. So where did you practice? - What are you talking about? Are you trying to wind me up? Nowadays kids practice. When I started fucking skating there wasn't nothing else to do. What else am I supposed to do? Play fruit machines? You know what I mean; there wasn't nothing else to do! I found something that I liked and I just fucking did it. So you weren't practicing? - Na. I'm not that dude that's like 'yeah man I just love it' I didn't expect anything from it. For me it was never like it is with these kids today that are all like 'I wanna get sponsored'.
BULLSHIT! - Fuck you Joey. All of them guys from BlackPoo, all they used to say to me when I first met them years ago was like 'yeah I been training at the skatepark' Training this and training that. But that was never me. When I first got hooked up by someone...
Who was that? - Blueprint.
And how did that happen? - Right, ok. I Go to Bolton, yeah, I knew I could skate a bit, but it wasn't cool to skate back then. I used to get fucking beat up; wearing green cargo's and zero t-shirt and shit. I was only 13. So a few days after skating the skatepark in Bolton I get home and my Mum's like, 'Somebody rang asking you to sponsor them or somethin'. And I'm like; what the fuck? So I get the phone number that rang and I start looking through Sidewalk trying to match the number and its Faze 7's. I didn't know that Faze distributed Blueprint so I was like sick! Faze 7 wanna sponsor me! Then the next day at school I get a call from reception, and I was cool with them; that's who you get in with at school, innit? The reception ladies. Fuck the teachers, mate, the reception ladies run shit. So I'm speaking to Mrs Bugsby, that's the receptionist's name. My brother knocked her sons teeth in too. By Accident. Other story.
What, your ginger brother? -Yep my ginger brother Tommy. Tommy you're a legend! So anyways Mrs Bugsby was like 'You've got a call' and I go out there and answer and its Alvin from Blueprint and he says they wanna sponsor me.
Were you some kind of nerd at school? - No way man. I was the smallest kid in my year, but I never got bullied. Fuck school anyways, the only good reason to go to college is to get laid.
Wowzers Danny what brilliant and mature advice. Here ends the tape, great mercies. Another groundbreaking insight into the mind of one of England's bright young Olympic skateboarding hopes. There are so many fucking boring skateboarders out there. Danny Brady is not one of them. That's all, pretty much. That will do.