Celebrities

Thanks to Quartersnacks for bringing the #EverybodySkates phenomenon to our attention.

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Biebs is currently in a state of chaotic flux. He wants to rebel and do typical rockstar stuff like crap racist graffiti and egg throwing, but is essentially a children’s entertainer.

Him taking up skateboarding, must be a last ditch effort in appearing relevant anymore. His set up choice means however shops can unload the horrible coloured trucks they were forced into buying by the rep. In order to present himself as a real skater Bieber has been posting instagram footage of him skating some park, complete with non makes, ramped in slow-mo boardslides and mean mugging the camera.

Skateboarding is a fun activity, but Biebs looks worried in every single photo of him.

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What we are seeing here is direct correlation between a celebrity taking up skateboarding and their complete mental breakdown. Miley, in an attempt to move away from a teeny bopper image, has co opted skateboarding in a hope that it will give her some edge. When this didn’t work however she decided to co opt black culture instead and has us all weeping in amusement at her baffling “dancing".  The only good thing to come out of this fiasco is this edit:

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We have a huge coup and snagged an Oscar winner (sorry Leo) for the list. Looking at the picture, you can see that Mr. Mcconaughey has opted to push his longboard along with a stick with wheels on the end (why?) in lieu of wearing shoes and pushing. Imagine that, he has gone to specific lengths to invent a nonsensical wheelie stick so he doesn’t have to put shoes on. However he looks like one of the pucca shell necklace surf cross over dweebs. I feel sorry for the dog, who you can see in this photo is trying to stop his master from making an even larger anus of himself:

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The dog is called BJ mind you so there was never any hope for him.

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I have to be careful here as The Rock (real name Dwayne Johnson) could murder me with his bare hands. The rock has gone from the hyper hetrosexual world of wrestling to the softer world of a world renowned actor. So by carrying around a fishtail board he is hoping to appear more manly, this shouldn’t be a problem however with the image he cultivates for himself. With the Rocks pro skating career set to take off he will join the pro wrestling skateboard elite.

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Young Tunechi went from being a somewhat decent rapper, to an atrocious rapper to something that seems to have thrown the rulebook on clothes out the window. He has now claimed to have put rapping on the back burner to concentrate on skating, admirable this may be but why do we the skateboard public have to be subjected to his antics? Wayne seems to be getting a pass from a lot of pros who are desperately trying to be his mate, it begs the question, are skaters giving him time of day so they can use one of his songs in a part without having to pay?

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The oldest entry in this list, riding an Alva board (he may be the only one). The article this photo was taken from claims that he was teaching his son how to skate, but if your dad is pushing mongo you need to look elsewhere for your skate advice. The mail article does give it’s readership a leg up on this, captioning this photo with “Looking good: The blonde star sported geek-chic glasses and distressed denim for an authentic skater look". Simon is hoping this skateboard lesson will change his son’s view of him being a supporting actor in films girls like.

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Efron is the star of several things you have not watched because you have a brain, namely a musical in a high school amongst other atrocious projects. The shocking thing about this is that Mr. Efron skateboarded around a supermarket, an event that somehow warranted 7 photos, yet the moment you or I attempt this around our local Lidl we get the boot.

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